Our brains constantly talk to us, whether planning for the future, assessing the present or rehashing the past. Inevitably, some of that self-talk will be negative. For many people, negative self-talk is normal and healthy. For frequent procrastinators though, negative self-talk can become a problem. This is because negative self-talk contributes to stress and demotivation, both of which are causes of procrastination. Procrastinating can also make us frustrated with our actions, leading to more negative self-talk and creating an unhappy downward spiral. By adopting positive self-talk, you can change your feelings around procrastination and break this cycle.

Attempting positive self-talk can feel strange at first, but it is an effective motivational tool. Think about how you would teach a small child a new task. Likely, you would use patience and positive encouragement. You probably wouldn’t get upset or angry when they failed to succeed immediately. You would accept mistakes as a part of the process and celebrate progress. This approach is both kind and effective. So why wouldn’t you treat yourself the same way?

Dealing with negative self-talk

The first step in promoting positive self-talk is identifying and understanding negative self-talk. Negative self-talk can include the following:

• Focusing on the negative.
• Ignoring the positive.
• Blaming.
• Expecting the worst.
• Insulting oneself.

Identify negative self-talk

Dealing with negative self-talk starts with identifying it. Try the following:

• Spend 3 minutes writing down your thoughts as they come to you.
• Once you are finished, ask yourself:
  • Are any of these thoughts negative?
  • How does that make me feel?
  • Are the negative thoughts helpful?
  • Is there a more helpful way to look at the situation?
• Spend a few days checking in with your thoughts intermittently throughout the day and writing the results down.
• After a few days, review your notes.
  • Do any of the thoughts fall within the categories of common negative self-talk listed above?
  • Are any instances of negative self-talk repeated or common?
  • Is there a common theme or subject around the negative self-talk?

Understand negative self-talk

Negative thoughts aren’t always bad. They can help by alerting us to risks and motivating us to improve our lives. If you do notice repeated negative thoughts, ask yourself:

• What purpose does this thought serve?
• Is it helpful?
• Is there a better way to serve that purpose?

Separate

A problem with negative thoughts is that we tend to believe our thoughts, even when they are incorrect or distorted by feelings and perspective. If you write down your thoughts on one day and then go back the next day to read those thoughts, you’ll find that many of them don’t make as much sense as they seemed to at the time of writing. There are some simple steps you can take to separate yourself from unhelpful thoughts in the moment:

• Name:

Simply naming the thought can help you separate yourself from it. If you notice an unhelpful thought like “I’m lazy,” simply say: “There is the ‘I’m lazy’ thought” and move on.

• Thank:

Say thank you to your brain for the thought. Your brain isn’t actively trying to sabotage you. It is trying to remind or motivate you about things it thinks are important. Just say: “thanks, brain.” and move on.

• Silly voice:

When you catch an unhelpful thought, it can help to repeat the statement in a silly voice, either in your head or out loud.

• Sing:

Singing the thought to a familiar tune can also help separate you from the thought.

Promoting positive self-talk

Take a moment every day to consider the time and effort you have put in to improve your life so far and acknowledge that good work out loud, in your head or on paper.

Make sure to take time to celebrate and enjoy your successes. When you finish a task, stop and think about the achievement and say to yourself: “Well done” or other positive words that resonate with you.

Questions you can ask that can promote positive self-talk include:

• How is this the best thing that has ever happened to me?
• What would you tell a close friend who asked you for help with your problem?
• What am I grateful for?
• In what ways will today be excellent?

Practice Gratitude

Feelings govern our perspective. On any given day, there are infinite positive and negative experiences to take up your attention. Practicing gratitude is a simple and effective way to shift your attention toward the positive. A simple technique to practice gratitude is to write down three things that you are thankful for each day.

Another way to focus on the positive is to write down the highlights from your day every evening.

Affirmations

Affirmations are short positive phrases that can be repeated out loud, in your head or written down. Affirmations can help develop positive self-talk. You can design your own affirmations:

Keep them:

• In the present.
• Personal to you.
• Truthful.

For example:

• “I have the skills and experience to do a great job today.”
• “My nerves about this task are natural and will help me do a better job.”
• “I will practice patience and understanding with myself and others.”
• “I am good enough.”
• “This challenge will not be easy, but my work ethic and persistence will carry me through as it has in the past.”

If an affirmation doesn’t ring true to you, then change it to something that does. Affirmations that you don’t believe can end up backfiring and causing contradictory negative self-talk.

Complements

All of our experiences, thoughts and actions rely upon electrical signals moving through our brains along pathways called synapses. These pathways allow communication between different areas of our brains. Synapses grow stronger the more they are used, so the synapse in your brain that transmits an electrical signal required for throwing a ball will grow stronger the more you throw a ball. The stronger the synapse, the better it transmits signals and the easier throwing a ball becomes. This is part of why practice works. It is also key to habit formation.

By deliberately practicing complimenting yourself and others, you can build stronger synapses that promote positivity in your brain and thereby promote positive thoughts. The following techniques can help you practice compliments:

• Set a habit of paying a compliment to someone every day.
• Writing an email saying thanks for the help you have received each day.
• Writing down something you did to improve yourself or others’ lives that day and what positive trait you have that helped you to do that.

Good sleep, regular exercise, and a healthy diet can all promote positive thoughts. Developing mindfulness can help us notice and deal with negative thoughts and feelings.

If negative thoughts are causing you distress, it may help to reach out to a doctor or a friend for help.